By: David Ihnen

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This story is Copyright by David Ihnen. Please do not distribute without permission.

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I am David. I can control me. I can eat, or not eat. I can drink, or not drink. I can work, I can do. Whenever I should. I'm not like those other people. They can't do anything when they're hungry. They have to go smoke. I can ignore that. Its not important. I'm not addicted like they are. I'm going to win.

I don't need caffiene in the morning. I just bounce out of bed. I won't say its easy. Nothing is that easy. But I do it. I know how to get my metabolism going all on my own. Why can't you learn to do that? Yeah, too hard. You'll never get good if you don't try.

I don't need a cigarette when I get stressed. Get away from me with your stinky body. Nicotine, reeking into the air around you. There should be a law. I'm better than that. I don't need drugs.

I don't need sex. I can tell you, "no" when I don't want to. See, I did it even now. Your round breasts, and warm slippery offerings are nothing to my self control. You just can't live without it. I can, though. You need me? Go away, you disgust me. I don't want aids.

I always say, you can only decide on what you know at the time. I know playing unsafe is wrong. I won't do that. I'm in control. Not of you, you understand. Just of me. That's how I live. I make the decisions that affect me. Good decisions. With all the information, weighed to long term goals and short term ones too. Like walking in the park. Its good to walk in the park. Friendly people, friendly skies. Birds singing. Beautiful sights.

There's a sight I could look at all day. I'm deciding to look at it. It doesn't hurt to look. See how the spandex bulges along the leg? So nice. He noticed. That's okay. Its not my problem what he thinks of me. But he's over here now. Do I like it? Of course. I like it alot. We walk together.

I can control me. Its okay to look down at him. He likes it. I like it too. There's a restroom. He's got to go. Me too. I relax there. I control, letting the fluid slide free. I'm the boss of my body. The boss of my actions.

He's hard. He's big. huge. enormous. I need, I must have. I won't stop, I need it, a burning itching inside of me, a desire to the pit of my stomach, Must Have. No condums. Who cares. YES! Reality gone in a haze of fulfillment.

Hard floor. Damp. Cool. Distant sounds of the park. The sharp stench of urine. Pants around knees. Tidy up. Wash face. Hazy reflection. What's the use. There is no control. I am nothing. I can't even control myself when its important. When it really makes a difference to my life or health. The life and health of my friends. The life and health of my family. Without control I am worthless. Another worthless bastard wandering after his own body's sensations. What's the point in living.

* * *

The past is gone.

I am in control now. I don't need caffiene. I don't need cigarettes. I can control my body. I can make informed decisions. Life awaits, the future ahead. I will win, this time!

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